3AM. L.A. Fires. Peoples' Perception

It's 3AM

The world is asleep

The house is silent, but not my mind

Here I am blogging, because what better thing can I do when my thoughts are racing? It's quite literally the best time to type away...

I've always wondered if there were others out there like me. Where the only solution to being able to fall asleep peacefully is to either write down their thoughts, listen to music, or turn the TV on and let it lull me to bed.

My thoughts can be pretty cancerous around this time of the night. It could start with something as small as, "what did I eat tonight again?", and then spawns into a barrel of endless thoughts.

And that's where I either get really creative, or spiral down into darkness. Luckily more often than not it's the former. But I'll admit, there are definitely times where I don't get so lucky and it becomes the latter. The depression kicks in, and I'm left feeling utterly helpless. Is this really something I should be sharing? Who reads this blog anyway. 

Depression is a motherfucker though. Every time I'm able to claw myself out of the darkness I look back on what might have triggered said depression, and think; that really wasn't worth getting all bent out of shape over. And yet, here I find myself in the same predicament as before. My constant evaluation of myself, how I feel like I have nothing to show for, how I so very much want to make a difference and haven't even made a spark yet.

I try to think of the bright side of life every time I get into this funk. Like, people are losing their homes in LA right now due to the wrath of mother nature! Jay get your shit together, and stop wallowing in your own self doubt. There are much bigger things that are happening in this world.

Speaking of which, I had a commenter on Instagram address one of my ads that I had up. They said something along the lines of, "this sounds like a cash grab (insert the middle finger emoji)". And in all honesty, I'm not mad. If anything I can see how that person perceived it as such. A little background on the ad; it was for the Heart of LA collection that I am selling to help raise funds to donate to the LAFD Foundation to assist with their efforts in tackling the LA fires right now. People who don't know me or the brand would probably think that I'm just trying to use the unfortunate situation to make money, and yet that's FAR from the case. I deeply care about my city, those affected, and the soldiers that are fighting the battle with the flames. I've already donated clothes to two locations, and just wanted to try and do something a little extra if possible. I really have no intention on defending my reasoning, and if people automatically look at me and my brand as some "cash grab", then that's really unfortunate. I truly want to help, and I've had the news on at least a handful of hours these past couple of days hearing and seeing all the devastation. Come to think of it, this could also be contributing to my mental funk.

But tomorrow is a new day, well, today is a new day. And great things can come each new day. Reminding myself to stay positive, stay focused, and always strengthen the mind is what I tell myself each and every day. So with that, I bid you all a goodnight. If you actually read this entry, feel free to say hi in the comments! I'd love to know if anyone reads this!

My heart is with you Los Angeles. We will come back stronger and more resilient.